he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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