remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
