I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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