The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
