Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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