i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
