Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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