i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
