walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
