The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
