all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
