we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
