4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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