i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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