I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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