He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
it's like iHOP with fire
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
