Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
