I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
