I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
