dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
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