i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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