i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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