Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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