I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
