So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
