fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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