Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
