Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
