Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
