I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
