my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
