I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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