what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
