hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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