I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
