Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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