dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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