I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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