Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
