I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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