Duck Duck Cougar?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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