and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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