dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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