So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
