I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
