I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
