he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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