I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
