So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He passed out mid-signature
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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