Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
