dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
