i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize