i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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