Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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