I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize