and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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