i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
