That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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