shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Randomize
