What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
