uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
