everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
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