I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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