I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
