What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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