Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
