I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
