i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
