U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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