dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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