Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
