As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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