dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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