The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize