It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
being pregnant is like rehab
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
