im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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