ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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