I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I wish life had little blips of pornography
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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