how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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