I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
