It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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