You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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