so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
