New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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