I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
