Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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