I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
