I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
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