i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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