No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
