We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
