Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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