just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
