She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
