i barfeds in our rink
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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