Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
