the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
