The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
